Things that get done when the men disappear

I have been amazingly productive the past two weeks.



At first I couldn't figure out why. I'd seemed scary how fast the ladies at the recorder of deeds got my information, and the receptionists and female designers at my client's offices were able to return my calls and get me what I needed... I'd go into the local bank or post office and women seemed to have that "shake out your hair" attitude that usually you only find in the field hockey locker room, the beauty parlor or a slumber party.

But then the second day that I drove up the highway and saw scores of abandoned pick-up trucks littering the shoulder... I realized that it was that special time of year.

Delaware Shotgun Season. Nov 10 through Nov 18.

Any male with access to a Cabela's catalog was geared up big toe to bald spot with camoflague, a 12 gauge and a spray can of Bucktastic.

Though Mr. Probert doesn't hunt (it's a long story involving his green card, Walmart's firearms counter and my unwillingness to participate in a straw purchase), he did have an incident this week involving a pickup truck and a doe with a death wish, so even he was occupied with Bambi and friends.

So while all of the men-folk were up in trees with their cellphones off, we ladies did some housecleaning.

I personally decided that my home office needed a complete gutting. There were two things that needed to go- a big screen TV that hasn't worked since before Vine was released, and a couch that I bought at an auction for $17.


My home office has always been one corner of an intensely small den in our cramped little house. I have two 19" monitors, technical manuals, five years worth of Urban Land, Landscape Architecture, Architectural Digest and AUGI world, plus a graveyard of laptops and that tall kitchen trash can of "wires leftover"- old mice, keyboards, joysticks, usb cables, serial cables, phone cords, coax and everything else. Not to mention my Gunslinger Girl Action Figures, Crest White Strips and the full set of Pantone markers that I have never used but like to look at.


So, I needed more space. And once I talked Mr. Probert into saying goodbye to the TV, the couch was the next victim.



The couch served as our TV watching couch during the big screen TV days (note that the TV hasn't worked since Vine, which is right about the time I stopped watching and started becoming obsessed anyway), but since the TV is dead and the den has become my office, it had just become something in the way.

We couldn't close the office door when it was in here, and it blocked the propane heater (a problem on soooo many levels).

Every time I brought the idea of pitching the couch, Mr. Probert would give me some story about how if we took the effort to bring it in we should keep it because in six months I will just want to get some other ugly couch that blocks the propane heater, so why not just keep this one... blah blah blah.

So while he was scraping Bambi's mom off of his windshield, I decided to do what all good country folks do when they have things that are no longer useful--- I put it at the end of the driveway with a free sign on it!


I must have had good timing. It was about 10AM, right when the light has gotten bright enough that the 8 pointers can tell the difference between a potential mate and a man in a tree covered in doe scent, because I set a new record.

The couch had been outside for about 10 minutes when a white pickup came and took the couch away. Inside that pickup was about as heartwarming a family values moment that you can get in my neck of the woods. Three men. Grandpa, Daddy and 12 year old son. In matching camo.

I can only wonder what interesting journeys my faithful couch will experience over the course of its lifetime. It has that free couch look, so it will never be the cornerstone of a fancy livingroom. it will see the fun stuff- it will get to live in rec rooms, workshops, back porches and vacation houses. It will see the parties and the teenagers. It will get spilled on and burned through and dogs will lay on it and kids will jump on it...until someone else puts it on the curb with a free sign and the adventure begins again.

I waved goodbye to the couch and set to work doing all of the things that women do when their men are out of their hair- I cleaned and organized my office, I baked, and I dug holes in the yard with my daughter.

Since there were no men around to crawl under the house, Panorama and I rigged up something to check thing out ourselves.


And then... Saturday night when Novemeber's shotgun season came to a close and all of our weary dragon slayers returned home with their butts full of acorns and their shotguns still fully loaded... we tied our hair back up, put our panyhose back on and went back to acting like nice young ladies again.

BUT... We will have our chance again...There is one more this year- so mark your calendars Ladies: Jan 13 to Jan 20.

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